Sex is a marital act by which a couple demonstrates their love to each other. It generates pleasure and mutual satisfaction.

It is an obligatory act in marriage which is essential for the health of body and soul. In the past, people could not discuss sex openly and a lot of men and women entered into marriage with little awareness of sexual matters.

Like myself because my pastor didn't go deeply to teach me this. But count yourself lucky to be part of this family to learn tonight. Today,sex is more freely discussed outside the church but we need to know what the Lord says about it.

 *SOME FACTS ABOUT SEXUAL INTERACTION IN MARRIAGE*

 1. Sex in marriage is neither dirty not sinful. It is God ordained. Infact ,It is only within the context of marriage that sex is approved by God {Gen 4:1}.
2. Satisfactory sexual relationship provides the forum in which deep intimacy is developed,not only physically but psychologically or emotionally.
 3. It is a common pathway that provides an opportunity for caring,the demonstration of love and the reciprocity of such.
4. Love,home, family and many fine things of life are built on a satisfactory sexual relationship.
5. It is a lifelong relationship for married couples i.e from the first night of matrimony till death do them part.
6. Both husband and wife can reach the highest level of sexual pleasure or excitement called orgasm.
7. Sexual appetite decreases in women after menopause whereas there is minimal decline in the sexual drive of men.
That's the fact about sexual interaction in marriage
  SEXUAL ACT
A} Stages Of Sexual Arousal: Modern research has discovered four distinct phases of sexual arousal for both male and female, namely:
i. The Excitement phase:. During which the couple explores the erotic zones of one another's bodies. For a woman,this is characterised by:
a. Nipples becoming erect and the areola becoming swollen.
b. Clitoris increases in size{mainly in width}.
c. Vaginal entrance becomes softer and thicker,and is well lubricated.
For a man,the pennis becomes erect and enlarges both in length and diameter.
 ii. The plateau phase:. As pleasure mounts,this is the time the pennis enters into the vagina.
a. The lubricated vagina makes penetration easy for the man and painless for the woman.
b. The feeling of the male organ inside the woman as well as the close bodily contact increase sexual pleasure.
 c. Other physical signs of this phase could be the enlargement of the labia minora in woman and the swelling of the testes man.
 iii. The orgasmic phase:. This is the peak of sexual arousal and response both for the man and woman. It is the height of libido{sexual pleasure}often. Characterised by:
a. Ejaculation by the man i.e. the release of seminal fluid into the woman.
b. The man breathes heavily and has contractions of the muscles in his thighs and lower abdomen.
c. The woman experiences rhythmic vaginal contractions breathes heavily and has some vibrations or warm glow spreading through her body.
d. For the couple,orgasmic is a thrilling experience exhilarating and which helps to release mental tension.
 iv. The resolution phase:. This is the period of relaxation that follows the deep pleasure of orgasm.
a. Emotional tension will gradually subside.
b. Reproductive organs will also return to normal e.g. the penis loses its erection and becomes limp.

{B} Difference In Sexual Arousal And Responses Between Male And Female.

 1. The sexual drive in a man is volcanic. It could erupt with the slightest provocation, whereas in most women,it is slow and gradual. However,in the long run it is as electrifying as in a man.
A woman's passion also has the ability to burn longer or sustain her peak much longer than a man {Eccl 4:9-11}.
2. The sexual drive in a man collapses immediately after orgasm. He could only attain orgasm once in one sexual act. On the other hand,the drive in a woman is usually sustained even after the orgasms in a single sexual act.
3. The rate of descent or resolution from sexual Pramod pleasure is very fast in a man. Hence after orgasm,he goes back to normal relaxation level immediately. In women,the descent is very gradual and hardly reaches the normal relaxation level until after a long period.

{C}The First Night Experience:{Honeymoon-post Wedding Night}

i. It is either you are a virgin or non virgin on your first night together.
ii. Where the two are virgins,they should communicate freely in order to learn what gives pleasure to the other partner.
iii. Where either is a virgin,they should cooperates to give mutual pleasure to each other. The partner that is not a virgin should not feel bad for the time of ignorance God has winked at. The Same applies to the couple when the two of them are non-virgins. Same applies to the couple when the two of them are non-virgins.
iv. The man should particular be gently with the woman who is a virgin because the sexual act will entail the breaking of the hymen.
 v. That is why adequate foreplay is important,to lubricate the vagina and reduce friction.
vi. Even for non virgin women,having sex after a long time of abstinence could still produce friction as the vagina is being stretched by the penetration of the male organ if not properly lubricated.
vii. Some couples have found artificial lubricants to be of help in increasing vaginal moisture. The ideal situation is to get the woman to relax and secrete natural fluid for lubrication.

This can be achieved if the man is tender and is not in a hurry to consumate the marriage. Are we learning at all?

SPECIAL NOTES TO HUSBANDS AND HUSBAND TO BE

I. Self Control: 1cor. 10:23: 1 Peter. 3:7. Do not just pounce on the woman. Treat her with love and respect,and take time to arouse her. The time and effort invested in arousing a woman is worth her response.
 2. Privacy: A must before most women could respond to normal sexual stimulation.
3. Observe Daily Hygienic Habit: Wash your body,mouth and private part. Use deodorant to keep down offensive body odours.
4. Be The Initiator Of Sex: Most often,the wife would not initiate it except during her fertility period. Also,just before or after her menstrual period,she may initiate sex because her sexual appetite is particularly increased. Occasionally,some women exhibit a stronger sex drive than their husbands. This is good and should not be associated with evil. Song of Solomon 4:1-16.
5. Wrong Knowledge: Refrain from the use of dirty words and expressions which associate evil with the sexual act.
 6. Guard against premature ejaculation: Seek to bring your wife to orgasm in the act of sex rather than just fulfilling your own desires. Her satisfaction creates in her a greater desire for sex{song of Solomon 2:1-7}.
7. After Each Thrilling Consummation: Do not be in a hurry to withdraw from your wife. Part of the satisfying effect for her is the physical closeness with her husband after the climax.
8. Good Communication: Maintain good lines of communication with your wife. Avoid tense and anxious moments. Discuss frankly during the act.
 9. Be Considerate And Understand: In times of stress, sickness, pregnancy, depression and bereavements,bear with her when she could not give you her body.
10. A Woman's Heart Is Involved In Love Making. So for best results,lift her spirits up,and make her days delightful and enjoy yourself as she responds to your sexual moves. Share pleasant and appreciative words with her{song of Solomon 7:12}.

SPECIAL NOTE TO WIVES AND WIVES TO BE

1. Maintain the right attitude toward sex since it is the most important factor in producing a satisfying climax.
2. Get rid of preconceived prejudices that tend to make you fear the act of sex. Approach it with pleasurable anticipation.
 3. Strip naked and relax in his presence. Bathing together is highly recommended. The more you relax,the better your adjustment to the sexual act.
4. A wife is expected to respond to her husband's moves. Do not resent or stifle your husband's advances by a tired sigh or a bored indication that means 'I don't feel like it'.
 5. Maintain a good line of communication with your husband during the act.
6. Do not be alarmed if you do not experience orgasm during every sexual union with your husband. Rather,tell him what you expect and what to do.
 7. Observe daily hygienic habits. Keep your bedroom clean and tidy,use clean bed sheets on a well laid bed.

WAYS TO REACH ORGASM TOGETHER
1. The husband should maintain a movement of his penis against her clitoris. The instinctive "in and out" motion should be stopped several times while the wife continues her climb to the peak of sexual pleasure. Concentration and practice would help couples to reach orgasm at the same time.
2. The woman should develop her vaginal muscles through exercise. A wife should attempt to tighten these muscles daily both during intercourse and when lying in bed. This would assist her in reaching orgasm.
3. Vary your style of meeting within the context of primary and self control with regards to:
 a. Position: Be creative and adventurous. Try new positions. There is nothing sacrosanct about the conventional 'man on top' position.
b. Location: Try other venues apart from your bedroom but make sure it is private and decent. Kitchen, bathroom, parlour among others
c. Time: There is no law that says you should always make love in thr dark or after 10:00pm. Have you ever tried mornings or afternoons when you are not at work? Gen 26:6-8.
d. Duration: Be elastic as much as you wish. Do not always make it a 'snappy affair' like microwave.

WRONG USE OF SEX IN MARRIAGE
 1. As a bait: To get your spouse to do something he or she would ordinarily not do.
2. As a reward: To compensate him or her for any good act.
3. As a punishment: To penalise him or her for wrong doing.
4. Unfaithfulness as in: Adultery and fornication.

CONCLUSION:
 The sexual act is the divine oil that lubricates the mechanical structure upon which a home is built.

The end result,when it is satisfactorily enjoyed by the husband and wife,is Peace,joy,love, harmony, stability and effectiveness in the roles performed by each partner in the home.

The genesis of most marital disagreements and divorce could be traced to sexual maladjustments. 

A couple with a successful or satisfactory bedroom management most often stay together. Marriage is honourable in all. Determine to succeed in your bedroom and God would keep your home.


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